Thoughts today, what a topic. I encourage anyone to think about their day and how what they do today will affect their tomorrow.
What are my thoughts today
My thoughts today are about how blessed I am because I have lived through so much and I’m still here. Everything comes a price, which is a shame since because we all have a past.
Having the same feelings underneath as everyone else. We all start out the same way, at the mercy of the world around us. Babies are at the mercy of those who have them.
Knowing that we all carry the past with us, I try to keep the good and leave the rest. I have gone through a lot and sometimes it feels like yesterday, because some memories never leave. A certain smell, a song, a dream or nightmares can bring back a vision of the good or the evil I have gone through.
It’s funny how my thoughts today will effect everything tomorrow. My mind is not only juggling running my body keeping up with my present health, when along come a piece of the past.
Good memories over bad is my motto. This gives my mind a place it can go to that is safe.
Why control my thoughts today
A question that someone asked me. This is why I put in the work. It’s not easy because there are day when I don’t want to do anything except roll up in a ball and die.
Yet because I put in the work I am confident my mind will push through these thoughts. I ask God to give me peace because when the past wakes me up in the middle of the night it is the worst. My mind takes me back to the abuse and evil of my past. My night terrors are paralyzing and just when it can’t get any worse, I wake up. Confused and scared beyond words. Getting my bearings can take a minute. We all want to feel safe.
Art became my safe space in my past and know in the present. This is what I do there.
A long time ago I said no more. Even if I have to live on the streets I won’t let it happen to me again. Making a change was hard because I was living that abuse. So I started small. As a girl escaped in my drawings, painting and prayer is where my mind could go to hide or mask my pain. It took me years of running to find I was running from myself.
I was looking for approval from others not caring about myself. Every time I went in or out of a relationship it was because of abuse. You name it I experience it. Breaking the cycle of abuse only came by finding myself and changing before it started again.
Changing my thoughts and life style
My thoughts today is change is good. I changed everything the people who I hung out with, the people I dated and most important what I would or would not put up with any more. I started gathering memories that could over power the abusive ones.
So now the abusive memories don’t come too often because the good ones take over the painful ones.
We never get over the bad things that we have in our past. By making some changes I feel better about how I live my life.
I control my thoughts today
Again, I put in the work. I still need to keep myself in check by make an effort to not continue the cycle of abuse. I will not give it or except it from anyone.
I can only control myself. It is not my job to control anyone, I am not superior to anyone. Only by control my emotional response I have the ability to see what I can do to improve the moment or situation I’m in.
Staying calm is my key. Everyone can have a good time and there is no drama. If I am uncomfortable I leave. I don’t care because I’ve been there. When I find myself with racing anxiety before it turns into a full blown panic attack I think about all my accomplishments how much work it took to control my thoughts.
I never want to go back to that scared girl just waiting for the next abusive person or people to show up. I do that by thanking God for my life and the strength he gave me to recognize that this was the only way out.
Today thoughts are not the same
My life is full and happy now so, now more than ever my need to control my reactive thoughts. I found by watching and listening more is better because just by slowing my reactions down I can look at all side of the situation. Now when making a move or opening my mouth I’m in control and is less abusive to those around me.
My thoughts change from day to day because the past is gone. Living in the present takes my mind on a journey. Not only does it have to run my body by keeping me alive it also has to help me control the words coming out of my mouth. Every day is a new begging.